Ranking Cubs Players’ Weekend Nicknames

I’m assuming you all know the drill by now when it comes to Players’ Weekend. In an effort to prove that it’s not just a stodgy collection of dusty-ass old dudes, MLB allows players to wear nicknames on the back of wacky alternate jerseys for a few games as a way to celebrate the youthful joy of the game. I dig it and it’s a pretty fun deal for the players, but it feels contrived just the same.

The Cubs announced Thursday afternoon the nicknames they’ll be wearing from August 24-26, so I figured I’d do a little categorical ranking of what they chose. Apologies to those guys I discounted because they’re using a name that I don’t immediately recognize as a family tribute or some kind of really dope inside joke that I’m not privy to.

Oh, and if you’d like to get your hands on any of the hats, jerseys, shirseys or whatnot, you can do so here. (CI does receive a small commission on any sales made through that link, so we’ll be your best friend if you buy tons of gear)

Tired

Albert Almora Jr.: “TICO”
Kris Bryant: “KB”
Victor Caratini: “VIC”
Tyler Chatwood: “CHATTY”
Jesse Chavez: “DADO”
Brian Duensing: “DEUCE”
Ian Happ: “HAPPER”
Kyle Hendricks: “HENDO”
Jason Heyward: “J-HEY”
Tommy La Stella: “LA STELLA”
Jon Lester: “LEFTHANDER”
Brandon Morrow: “B MO”
Mike Montgomery: “MONTY”
Jose Quintana: “LELO”
Anthony Rizzo: “TONY”
Addison Russell: “ADDY”
Kyle Schwarber: “SCHWARBS”
Drew Smyly: “SMILES”
Pedro Strop: “STROPY”
Justin Wilson: “J WILLY”
Ben Zobrist: “ZORILLA”

As you can see, most of the roster ended up here. It’s hard to blame of them since a longtime nickname is what it is. These are just either really bland or obvious or, in La Stella’s case, not a nickname at all.

Wired

Anthony Bass: “FISH”
Steve Cishek: “SPEEDPASS”
Willson Contreras: “WILLY THE BEAST”
Yu Darvish: “YU-SAN”
Carl Edwards Jr.: “STRINGBEAN SLINGER”
Cole Hamels: “HOLLYWOOD”

These guys are either new to the team or have changed up their names from last year, so there’s more novelty to them. Bass could have perhaps had a little more fun with his, but it works.

Inspired

Javier Baez: “EL MAGO”
David Bote: “BOAT”
Brandon Kintzler: “SALT”
Justin Hancock: “HERBIE”
Randy Rosario: “PELO FINO”

Javy is exempt from previous categories because he’s Javy. While I’d have preferred #EveryBoteIn, I appreciate what Bote is doing there. Kintzler’s nickname comes from him being grumpy because he was in AAA, but I like like to think of it as being mad at Mike Rizzo. He’d have gotten his own category had he opted for SNITCH.

I’m surprised Justin Hancock even knows who Herbie Hancock is, so he gets bit props for that one. And even though I had to do a Twitter search for PELO FINO, I discovered that it translates to something like “nice hair” or “good hair.” Bruh, that’s confidence.

Which is your favorite and/or what would you have preferred to see from some of these guys?