Monday Fungos: Keeping You Hydrated After a Balmy Weekend

Cincinnati sweep? What Cincinnati sweep? What’s interesting about most sports fans is we are fairly simple folk, easily subject to short-term memory, intermittent reinforcement, and Pavlovian conditioning. But the dark side is intense partisanship, scapegoating, and all that bell-induced drooling.

Speaking of fluid problems, how crazy to see Minnesota Twins like Bobby Wilson flop-sweating like a sieve one second, and Eddie Rosario and Max Kepler jacking into IVs to pump the fluids back in the next. Meanwhile, 61-year-olds Paul Molitor and his third-base coach Gene Glynn looked as cool and confident as a pair of bookend friends in 24-hour Depends.

In other Monday Fungos news:Chicago Cubs

  1. Even gingers make fun of how, er, unique-looking the Dodgers’ Justin Turner is. Aging Macaulay Culkin on top, aging Duck Dynasty with the chin music.
  2. Brandon Morrow was reactivated off the DL just in time for the debut of his new TED Talk: “How to Dress (Safely) for Success.”
  3. As a Cub, Chris Gimenez is working a .143 average and one inning pitched. But glass half-full, he’s currently the team’s third-best-hitting pitcher.
  4. According to area hospitals, three out of five Cubs superfans strained an oblique geeking out over Dillon Maples’ 2018 debut. Just don’t tell them his pitching line (2 innings, no runs, 3 Ks, 2 BBs, HBP) is how Tyler Chatwood basically starts 60 percent of his games.
  5. So many questions swirling about Yu Darvish’s arm injury. But then a second doctor diagnosed him with an elbow impingement and administered cortisone to speed up the de-impinging process. So are we all clear now?
  6. A very nifty short-season A-ball debut for the Cubs’ newest first-round pick Nico Hoerner. Only blemish: that Eugene Emeralds uniform looked like a haz-mat site. Take a look for yourself.
  7. Wouldn’t it be fun if the Twins were allowed to substitute freely with any set of actual twins they drafted?
  8. And what if pitchers got to keep the ball from their first hit batsman? Then I bet they’d wait to hit someone real famous to have a cool story for their hunting trips.
  9. Chicago Cubs
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