Monday Fungos: 10 Pitches for Diversionary Cubs-Themed Programming

Before the 2016 World Series, Chicago Cubs fans shared one certain bright spot that could burst through any darkness. For far atop the Wrigley Field roof waved Kerry Wood’s white 20-K flag. With just one glimpse of it, a distracting flood of dopamine would flood our fan receptors, and all would feel fine.

So how fun to see the Cubs recently inject an accidental double dose of nostalgia. While getting swept in St. Louis, the Kerry Wood Facebook documentary “20” debuted and helped blunt any burgeoning fan revolts.

Some two million views later, I wonder if Cubs Productions is planning on more such diverting online projects? If, say, the team misses the playoffs, then boom! “Suck on these byte-sized pacifiers, fan boys.” With that in mind, I offer these 10 online ideas for the Cubs to greenlight and back-pocket for staving off future revolts.

  1. “Getting to First Base With Anthony Rizzo,” Snapchat’s first real-time, hidden-camera talk show. Watch as Rizzo gets real and personal with unassuming opponents who’ve reached first base.
  2. “Pukey-mon Go,” an interactive game app that lets you discover Wrigleyville by following in the storied late-night path of former Cubs’ reliever Kyle Farnsworth.
  3. “He’s a Brick House,” an iTunes true-crime serial about the long legal efforts of former announcer Jack Brickhouse to get recognized as a founding member of The Commodores.
  4. “66(6)” a YouTube series about the Ricketts family’s globetrotting investigations to prove Sammy Sosa is actually Satan.
  5. “So You Think You Can Joe Maddon,” a behind-the-scenes Crackle series chronicling Dave Martinez’s challenges as rookie Nationals manager.Chicago Cubs
  6. “Ballz!” a TMZ tell-all about 1980s ball girl Marla Collins and her dating Keith Hernandez, George Brett, and the super-cheap San Diego Chicken. (He only took her for nuggets at McDonald’s).
  7. A made-for-Tinder documentary about Mark Grace called “Slump Buster: The Untold Story of Baseball’s Undefeated Paternity Test King.”
  8. Blackbeard, an series about the swashbuckling adventures and bromantic conquests of Jake Arrieta’s beard.
  9. “Half-Cocked,” a George Clooney-directed Netflix original about the secret CIA lives of Pete LaCock and his game-show-host/father Peter Marshall.
  10. And “71,” the inevitable Kerry Wood Facebook sequel about each of his career wins as a starter. (Yeah, sequels are seldom as good as the original).
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