Addison Russell Homers Twice, Provides Perfect Allegory for Game By Hitting One Into Trash Can

Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you. And on Sunday afternoon, the Rockies took a big wet bite out of the Cubs’ ass. Which, wait, is that the former or the latter? I mean, the Cubs are bears but they were the ones being eaten. Ugh, I’m so confused.

Jason Hammel, who came into the game riding a 22-inning scoreless streak, was forced to wear one after surrendering 7 runs in the 1st and 3 more in the 4th. Only 6 of those 10 runs were earned, thanks to his defense’s inability to field baseballs hit their way, so yay for moral victories.

Oh, the bullpen also held the Rockies to only one additional run. Had the Cubs just gotten 5 or 6 more homers from Addison Russell, they’d have been in the game. This is gonna be a really short recap, so much so that you might well miss it. Ready, here goes:


In case you’re not within earshot, I just  spent 30 seconds making fart noises with my hands and mouth.

I guess Addison Russell hitting a pair of home runs was pretty cool, though, especially when the first of them landed in a trash can and led to a few fans dumpster-diving for a souvenir.

Hahahahahaha, that is awesome. I keep watching it and I can’t decide what the best part is: the fact that the ball found a trash can, the way the dudes are willing to dig through beer-soaked hot dog sandwiches to find it, or how the play provided a perfect allegory for the hot garbage that was this game. It’s just so beautifully poetic. And for what it’s worth, I’m pretty sure the kid on the right is wearing the same Kyle Schwarber socks I own. Sweet.

Russell would go on to hit another run, though I’m unable to embed the video at this point. Rest assured, however, there were no trash cans or overly aggressive ballhawks involved. I’d be tempted to call this The Addison Russell game if, you know, it wasn’t an absolute chemical spill otherwise. There’s also the fact that Nolan Arenado hit two home runs of his own, both with two men on.

*Whispers: Kris Bryant is still better*

Don’t you dare talk to me about Second-Half Hammel here. This was one of those games that you just laugh off and move on from because there’s really nothing to take away from it. Having a 12-game division lead makes that easier and keeps us from thinking we were watching the 2012 Cubs at Coors Field.

Sometimes you lay a stinker, sometimes baseball is weird. But the Cubs are still awesome and Addison Russell is still awesome and that’s all that really matters.

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